The following steps embody a method for socializing, derived by a bit of personal knowledge of the burdens of the common disorder of social anxiety. Breaking down conversation into its fundamental parts in reflection is often a great place to start taking deliberate steps for healing. This kind of reflection then becomes, in turn, directly a creator of successful socialization experiences and habits. Your writer will start at the beginning, so that the more challenged reader can understand everything. But note that the best parts of this medicinal piece are in its middle and end. Also remember that the simplest things are often the wisest. Old tricks are the best tricks, the Black Belt might say. We also will stick with the most challenging of conversation-types, longer conversation. This way, those which adopt and/or put into use that which is below can condition themselves to the habit of sometimes putting their person a little ways outside their comfort zone.

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Firstly, then, what is conversation? It seems to this writer that it takes many forms, each having many parts. Hence the question, what are its parts? A few common ones are laughter, a confusion, fascination, negativity, wanting to take risks, interest, expressions of aestheticism, enjoyment, showing off, identification, expressions of wit, the creation or instilling of respect, and more. Next, if we use these things as a basis for social action, then a few vital strategies for participating, but most of all for making a conversation successful, enjoyable, or useful are to turn these each into a strategic form; for example, creating humor through spontaneity or deliberate fashioning, turning a bit of confusion or its like into a benefit, wearing the good kind of pride, imparting understanding or wisdom or knowledge, being honest, expressing excitement, finding things in common, asking questions, finding something fascinating, sharing one's own side of something, telling stories, expressing oneself, attracting a heart-to-heart, devising speech for the sake of fluidity, being articulate, etc..

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Now that's a lot of material, just as conversation can have many parts and many purposes. To simplify, then, it seems that the best of conversation often surrounds humor, small talk, wit, fascination, asking questions, sharing, and satisfying other goals. A good basic rule is to always have respect in order to avoid the moments that are the most problematic. And, of course, we all should use our own tactics, but also, and especially, know and then apply our strengths, which just takes a moment's reflection. There is more on this further below.

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To start, we will use this latter list to engineer simple thinking tools for improving the social skills of a conversationalist. The first tool will be called, the "F's". This title represents little bits of thinking that a participant keeps doing internally while engaged. We will think to ourselves, "filter humor," or "f-h," "find something interesting," or "f-i," find something witty," or "f-w," "find a question," or "f-q," and "find something appropriate," or "f-a."  And there are probably more "F's" to be found, but because those with social anxiety are often overwhelmed enough during conversation to get stuck, a short list, this list of only five parts for example, is perhaps a good strategy to maintain. Reducing them down to the most basic, the designation of,"F's", enables someone who is overwhelmed to have easy tools to use to break the ice and simple, guiding thoughts to help them fill the spaces that need filling.

 

When our participant begins, the 5 "F's" are used one at a time, to make it easy. Repeat one or more of them in your mind when engaged. Then, if possible, memorize the content that arises in mind by means of this filtering or finding, and then deliver (speak) the words that are found. Of course, repetition of these four tools around people with whom one is already comfortable, or while talking to oneself, constitute good "training." And we want to emphasize that these baby steps are indispensable as builders of good conversations, of success, of what is wanted. There is a direct relationship there, between a starting point - which there is with everything - like first the "F's" during a talk,  and with a process, the rest of an interaction. And know, too, that the way to train the subconscious is through just this: repetition and experience. And if social anxiety repeats itself during a given interaction, then repetition can repeat itself as well.

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Now, always reaching for something that is not presently there is an incomplete strategy. That is the purpose of "spontaneity" and easy "small-talk," which we will call, the "S's." While this piece also covers more advanced techniques to apply, below, together the "S's" and the "F's" make for a darn good foundation for almost any good social agenda.

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Moving on to the slightly more advanced of Karate-do social agendae, your writer will use the concept of what is sometimes known as, the Game. For only one - out of very many - examples of what is possible in the Game, consider this case. Say a person is taking a walk and he/she encounters someone they are curious about. The person has a perception and wants to make an exercise out of seeing if they are right about the other. Sometimes experienced people call the means by which this perception is had by the name, "Spiritual Perception." (Note that this term is meant merely as a commonplace label for something that most people can and do successfully adapt to their social habits, and is not meant to be religious.) The following five steps, then, are a further structuring influence that incorporate this perceptive ability and content. Additionally, an extensively important point of insight here is that Ninjitsu, among other arts, has as one of several primary means of practice just exactly this habit of perception and what goes with it. And this technique from the Ninja Way is also something that is very, very often used in the Game. 

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Building on the S's and the F's, then, consider the following specifics as further points of skill in conversation:

1.] Internally, when a conversant initiates a conversation, they look at the other in order to pick up some piece of information that could help form their coming words, then plan their overture spontaneously, using the "F's" and the "S's," setting just a little goal, plan, or ambition that is relevant to those words. 

2.] From what is gleaned in Step 1, he/she makes the delivery, speaks the planned words. That is, they apply a silent gesture, a piece of talk, something witty, some humor, a simple hello, or what-not - or really anything that seems appropriate.

3.] Next is the response of the other party, which could be silence. And this is when the first person has a reflective moment to collect just a little information based on what they have extracted, learned, or found from the other's response, which could be just another of the steps, 1 and 2. 

4.] Then, if appropriate, or if the speaker wishes, Step 3 can be deliberately evaluated by both feeling and thinking - which can be explored together and separately. That is, these two functions of the human mind, as the central two functions of all consciousness, are a vital part of conversation - granted some of the best of conversation often flows out of intuition. And, last in this step # 4, there is the application of this feeling and thinking in the form of what the curious first party wants to remember from the interaction so far. Remember that sometimes this step #4 is just a short collecting of a little piece of info, like in step #3.

5.] Step 5 is to repeat the prior steps starting with the #1.

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Now, the F's and S's, the case of Spiritual Perception, and these 4 steps are just techniques that are simplified, but not whatsoever elementary or specific in any way only to inexperienced socialites; they are used at the least intuitively by all levels of conversant. But not everyone has the same Style of art. So even if they don't help a person with Social Anxiety, they are a darn good instance of clues that could evolve into a foundation of all kinds of good, satisfying conversation.

 

Also good at this midpoint of writing, there is that using the term, the Game, and remembering it frequently, is a great challenge to keep. What is possible in the Game, part by part, is certainly a near-endless list - which is the reason behind the several-paragraph part below, which is all about wisdom for conversation found in the Science of Logic. We will call our concept of the Game not, the "G," but by its own name - just "the Game" - so that it may be remembered. Especially when used at length, the concept constitutes a great platform for social training. It exercises the visual organs, like the eyes, which are sometimes known as the Windows to the Soul, and, it is a good way to find a day's worthy piece of wisdom, or conversational tidbit, to be used in the future. In all socialization there is some exchange of subtle "energies" (if you will) and there is always something there of value for a looker to find.

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Onward to some other concepts, however, there are a couple of other strategies that embody good social agendae. For example, when a participant is confused or excited, the expression of these experiences in certain ways in conversation with some types of people, or in some circumstances, can have some little risks. It is possible that they be judged or excluded because of odd behavior, which might be undesirable for our conversant. For instance, many of those with social anxiety are ostracized because they are too gentle, too sweet, or what-not. To solve that problem of risk, then, there are always ways to modify our reader's words or contributions, by expressing them in strategic or advantageous, clever or cunning ways. It is here that having Influence, with a capital "I," comes in handy. This is also the whole idea for your writer's inclusion of arguments and definitions from Logic, farther below.

 

For instance, while speaking of confusion there are always ways of causing a bit of confusion, or, "c-c," "cause-confusion." One simple technique is for the speaker to speak too fast, so that the other party/parties say, "what did you say?" In these cases, the exchange of energies is converted to a little moment of taking of energy on the part of our speaker. And maybe he or she even decides to use that move deliberately in order to take back a small piece of life force that was taken from them at some point. Maybe they plan it. Tit-for-tat, which is also the nature of many things in consciousness. This is one small example of Influence. And it simultaneously can be called a means of self-defense, granted that it is only the intuitive kind - while their are other kinds, too. There are many techniques of Influence that can be applied; there is much to learn about them.

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But then the rule from the first section of this piece of writing, above, of respect as always important, comes into play. In a socialite's training, for whatever reason, there sometimes arises the hope that psychic, or verbal semi-violence will not play into an exchange. So isn't there a way to play out the principle of Influence or self-defense in a non-aggressive way? There definitely is - just as the Game takes endless forms, like our lists describing conversation parts at the beginning above. Or perhaps a better way to frame the question is, isn't there a way to apply the principle of Influence in a gentle, but still assertive and still effective way? This writer would have to ask the Black Belt that question, just as the Black Belt so frequently knows. Or, our reader could just think about it until a technique of value arises - this possibility being a pretty good exercise for those with anxiety; a useful structure for this kind of training tidbit is for our conversant to analyze the words, thoughts, feelings, and the Flow of contents of a given talk until some possibilities arise in mind.

 

But back now to the concept of the Game, there are groups of people that are familiar with each other that speak in this so-called semi-aggressive manner as a Life Way. Such people have been known to think of this kind of speech as a sport, a series of social moves that are not aggressive, or semi-aggressive, but that are just the nature of hanging out, that are just how to have fun. In this case, good techniques could stem from the act of making metaphors out of the discussion parts surrounding the game of American Football - even while simultaneously talking about Football, perhaps. And the F's and S's can come in here, too.

 

As football is a very physical and forceful sport, the conversants can compete for established units of Game-value. They can compete for the ball, or compete to speak, can compete to successfully tackle a wide receiver, or compete to use their words to win an argument, or could compete to run the fastest and score, or to make a contribution that everyone likes. So what other metaphors are there that can be made out of a given set of moves - ones that are relevant to a given conversation or to the art of conversation in general? It seems that as there are many famous sports, there are endless conversational metaphors that can be applied to them. And maybe that is the best cause for watching sports on TV, and for choosing the ones that family or friends favor, even! Hence the questions, what are the most useful metaphors in sports based on the social tendencies or personalities of a given conversant, group, or subculture? What is our reader's favorite sport? Why are there many steps, or "Dan's," each, in the two most advanced steps in Senior-level Karate (Red and Black belts)?

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Further, the mentioned kind of aggressive-but-not-aggressive technique, for only one instance, is perhaps more tailored for the American Northeast, or for Northeasterns, as they are matched to the cities of New York or Boston, where people are a little colder, it is said. Thinking in terms of these conversation-sports metaphors while travelling can teach a speaker a lot about other people, about subcultures, or about conversation in general, too. Perhaps most important of all for an anxious speaker, though, is knowing what moves (based on what groups, what sports, what cultures, or what people) he/she tends toward during conversation, which ones he/she tends to perceive from and around specific others - and how to tailor a group of friends, how to culturally tailor or choose a home's location, and on and on, in favor of their needs and goals. Think about it; there is much learning to be had!

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To conclude this piece, now, your Brown-belt writer will now list a whole bunch of argument-types, including many fallacies - the latter being not bad in nature, or lies in nature, but instead being common techniques that made a faulty argument seem good - both that are found in the great Science of Logic. Understanding the technical definitions of arguments and fallacies is a part of the metaphysics of Influence that can be applied in conversation that is vital for the complete functioning of a master, a Red or Black belt, that is. And this Logic can be applied elsewhere, too, just as Logic is very expansive. Both of these constitute vital parts of Logic, which is in fact a Powerful science whose knowing, practicing, and studying stands to improve the student-reader's knowledge, experience, and expertise in the social arts -- as well, in turn, as his/her own Wellness!

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First are what logicians call, Fallacies, which are defined above. "Fallacies of Relevance": Appeal to Force [Argumentum ad Baculum], Appeal to Pity [Argumentum ad Misericordiam], Appeal to the People [Argumentum ad Populum], Argument Against the Person [Argumentum ad Hominem], Accident, Straw Man, Missing the Point [Ignoratio Elenchi], and Red Herring.

 

Next are "Fallacies of Weak Induction": Appeal to Unqualified Authority [Argumentum ad Verecundiam], Appeal to Ignorance [Argumentum ad Ignorantiam], Hasty Generalization [Converse Accident], False Cause, Slippery Slope, and Weak Analogy. Third are "Fallacies of Presumption, Ambiguity, and Grammatical Analogy": Begging the Question [Petitio Principii], Complex Question, False Dichotomy, Suppressed Evidence, Equivocation, Amphiboly, Composition, and Division. And there are many more Fallacy types.

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Lastly, your writer moves on to argument-types. What Logicians call an "argument" must have an inferential claim in it. Here the argument categories are in quotes. Some "Simple Noninferential Passages" include: warnings, pieces of advice, statements of belief or opinion, loosely associated statements, and reports. Then there are, "Expository Passages." Next are "Illustrations," "Explanations," "Conditional Statements."

 

Further on we find arguments of "Deduction" and "Induction." Examples of "Deduction" are, an argument based on mathematics, an argument from definition, a categorical syllogism, a hypothetical syllogism, and a disjunctive syllogism. Examples of "Induction" are, a prediction, an argument from analogy, a generalization, an argument from authority, an argument based on signs, and a causal inference.

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Here, then, second to last, your writer will list several types of Definitions, which are sometimes used in Logic as arguments: the "Stipulative," the "Lexical," the "Precising," the "Theoretical," and the "Persuasive." Now, at this point in the study of Logic's vocabularies we come upon some Techniques [yay!] that are used to cast Definitions in preferable forms, Definitions being one kind of argument. Two of these are "Extensional, or Denotative, Definitions" and "Intensional, or Connotative, Definitions." Under the first category, we find, the demonstrative, the enumerative, the definition by subclass; under the second category we find, the synonomous, the etymological, the operational, and the definition by genus and difference.

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So onward and in conclusion, we have in this brief discussion of the Science of Logic, and its arguments and fallacies, covered only Informal Logic. There also exist Formal Logic and Inductive Logic. Now, just imagine what a Black Belt Master can do with all of this knowledge! There is a lot to learn, and as the reader can see there are many steps and complications inside of the mastery of such things. That must be why there are "dans" within each of the Red and Black Belt phases in the tradition of the Karate of the Mind [or of the Body of the Mind - hee]. And essential here, is one of the Black Belt's pieces of wisdom, one that is highly relevant to Healing and the Black Belt's teaching: the saying that, superior people are always held in fear and awe!

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Of course, to be honest, even your Brown Belt writer - or, "merely" your Brown-belt writer - only more rarely catches that awe from this piece of psycho-emotional and alchemical advice. More important here is the active kind of inward and outward Compassion: that he sure hopes his reader will study a little bit, on purpose, in more than just the Basics! The common disorder of Social Anxiety must be treated by means of specific methods, and all of the "F's", "S's", "the Game," the five described steps, all of the terminology found in the arguments, fallacies, and techniques of Logic, and definitely Influence, too, are as important as Western Medicine. And then, there is the fact that even your devoted Brown-belt writer, a long-time student of life, doesn't use the Logic found in the art of healing from Social Anxiety, but instead is often more into the Basics! That is, it is very important that even, and often especially, the Black Belt must remind him/herself of the "F's", the "S's", the five steps, and "the Game!"

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Thanks for reading! Be Well.